A busy mind
How to let go when you keep replaying an embarrassing moment
That moment you keep replaying? It probably matters far less to everyone else than it does to you. Here’s how to break the loop.
By Kim Palmer, Founder of Clementine · with Birgitta Ronn, Hypnotherapist and counsellor
· 2 min read
In short
- The moment you’re obsessing over is likely far less significant to the other person than it feels to you.
- When you catch yourself spiralling, pause and breathe before the shame spiral takes hold.
- Ask what you’d say to a friend, and remember everything you’ve already come through.
Replaying an embarrassing moment can feel overwhelming, like a loop of shame and self-criticism you can’t switch off. Maybe you said something wrong in a meeting, shared something personal with the wrong person, or opened up early in a relationship and didn’t feel met with the same honesty in return. And then there are the moments that just won’t leave your brain, however much time passes.
A big one for me that’s still on repeat? The time I unknowingly pulled my knickers out of my hoodie during a Zoom meeting and showed them to the other person on the call. I was mortified.
So how do we stop these moments haunting us? I asked Birgitta Ronn, one of the hypnotherapists behind our sessions, how to move on when embarrassment feels impossible to shake.
Birgitta’s four ways to let go
Birgitta says: Here’s something to consider. The moment you’re obsessing over? It’s likely far less significant to the other person than it feels to you.
When you catch yourself spiralling, try this:
- Pause and take a deep breath. Don’t rush this. Give yourself a moment to reset instead of diving straight into the shame spiral.
- Remind yourself: that moment was a tiny percentage of all that I am. One moment doesn’t define your whole existence.
- Ask yourself what you’d say to a friend in your position. Chances are you’d offer kindness and perspective, and maybe even a laugh by sharing one of your own most humiliating moments.
- Look back at what you’ve been through and survived. You’ve got more in the tank than you know. One cringey moment is nothing compared to the challenges you’ve already faced.
One moment isn’t your whole story
Letting go doesn’t mean dismissing what happened. It means choosing to see it as one small part of your story, not the whole picture. You’re human, and that’s more than enough.
So the next time your mind gets stuck in the past, remember all the things that turned out OK, the kind things people say about you just for being you, and how bravely you’ve handled challenges before. And if all else fails, think of me and my Zoom knicker incident. If I can move on, so can you.
When it keeps you awake
If these moments tend to come back just as your head hits the pillow, you’re not alone. Here’s why your mind won’t switch off at night, and what helps.
Questions
How do I stop thinking about something embarrassing I did?
Pause and take a breath before the shame spiral starts. Remind yourself it was one tiny moment out of everything you are, ask what you’d say to a friend in your position, and look back at what you’ve already come through.
Will other people remember it?
Probably not the way you do. As Birgitta says, the moment you’re obsessing over is likely far less significant to the other person than it feels to you.